• douglasrosenau

Fun Fantasy

For many, the word “fantasy” conjures up something illicit or kinky. But fantasy is simply using your imagination or mental imagery. The truth is that the brain is our most important sex organ. Couples can use their brains with their imagination to enrich their sex lives. Sharing memories of romance, lovemaking, and intimate conversation over a lifetime is one of God’s powerful aphrodisiacs.

“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. May you fountain be blessed, and my you rejoice in the wife of your youth. …may her breasts satisfy you always, may you be ever intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:15,18,19 (NIV)

I’ve always been so appreciative with these verses. Scripture often makes water a metaphor for healing and God’s blessing, with Jesus being the “living water.” Here the Bible is saying that sex can be like refreshing water. The word “cistern” is interesting and implies that lovers can store up memories of lovemaking in their own private container---and come back and enjoy those experiences with their imaginations.

As therapists, we hear many fun stories. One couple loved Hawaii, so in the middle of winter they would break out the suntan lotion and bathing suits and recreate lovemaking beach style. Another husband, a professional musician, gave his wife something she had longed for—a private concert in their home, complete with chocolate at intermission, a fire in the fireplace, and flowers. Although wives’ descriptions of great lovemaking usually involve relationship and connection and husbands’ tend to be, “show up naked with food,” men, too, can utilize imagination/mental creativity and enjoy romance.

Here are some cautionary suggestions to enjoy a fantasy life that is both creative and fun---but also protective of your special covenant relationship.

  • Never bring other people into your fantasies

  • Let your fantasies be both arousing and realistic for you as lovers---not disrespecting your partner and coveting what you will never be

  • Mutually enjoy fantasies and sexual experiences with mutual adventure and pleasure---let go of those fantasies that your partner will never enjoy

  • Let God be in the middle of your fantasy live and mental imagery as He inspires and blesses your playfulness

Ephesians 3:20 encourages us that God “is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine.” Humans can’t appreciate the Creative Trinity unless they get into their imagination. A great sex life will also depend on your imagination and storing up some special memories in your own private “cistern.”


About the Author

Dr. Doug is a psychologist, pastor, LMFT and sex therapist who has listened to over 55,000 hours of stories.

Doug enjoys using this practical wisdom in writing (best seller: A Celebration of Sex), teaching, and mentoring.

Get Connected with Dr. Doug by visiting his website,

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